Put A Ring On It.

“If you find yourself constantly trying to prove your worth, you have already forgotten your value.”

As a happily married 26 year old black wife, mother, and attorney, [which apparently makes me a unicorn with superpowers] I am always the friend relied on for relationship advice. The Number 1 thing I hear when talking with my friends is that their men are taking FOREVER to put a ring on it. And while I don’t have ALL of the answers, I think I have figured out one thing: Romantic relationships are much like any other relationship. In order to reach your goal you have to: work hard; bring something to the table; and most importantly, know your worth. Here are two analogies that I think help to explain this:

1. Lebron James doesn’t come in and meet with NBA teams without being [arguably] the best player in the NBA. You would never hear Lebron say “well, if you don’t want to pay me what I’m worth right now, I’ll just “hold you down” until you’re ready.” So why do beautiful and talented women walk into relationships and accept minimal love, respect, and commitment until men are ready to give them what they deserve?

2. Louis Vuitton does not go on sale. Period. Louis Vuitton knows that it is offering you a quality product that many would love to have; thus, it doesn’t give its products away for less than they’re worth. Again, why give away all of your inventory at the discount of being a forever-girlfriend?

Unlike Steve Harvey, I won't pretend that I'm some relationship expert or have somehow come up with these genius ideas. Trust me, I totally understand that these are very simple concepts; yet so many people find it difficult to translate them into their romantic relationships. Therefore, I’ve come up with some tips and things to consider.

1.Bring Something to the Table.

In any relationship, both people should be bringing something to the relationship. It doesn’t have to be your looks or money, it should be something that is uniquely YOU. You should have something that only you can provide to your partner. (emotional support, friendship, interests, hobbies, etc.) The only way to achieve that is to figure out who you are, who you want to be, and how to get there. You have to work on yourself daily to offer the best “you” that you can be. And when you become who you want to be, you develop an unwavering self-confidence that will take you far in any relationship, romantic or otherwise.

2.Don’t Give Away EVERYTHING Before Marriage.

Now, let me be clear, I am not talking about sex. I am in favor of sex before marriage. You wouldn’t buy a car without test driving it… And if you would, it would suck to get it off the lot and find out it has a V-none engine. #JustSaying. However, there are other things that you can keep to yourself. Your Space. Why live with a man who has shown no interest in marrying you? I’m not saying you should wait until marriage, but you should at least have an engagement ring on your finger. Your Uterus. Stop having babies for a man who doesn’t think you’re worthy of having his last name. Would Lebron James play a season for the Cavs without first signing a contract? EXACTLY. Your Money. Stop paying bills, buying gifts, and sharing money with and for a man who is not your husband.

3.Don’t be afraid to walk away.

As my mom always told me, “cut your losses.” My personal belief is that you know if you’re with the person you want to marry within 1 year. There are some obvious exceptions, like those in long distance relationships or people who travel a lot. However, most folks know within a year. If you’ve been with someone five years and they’re not sure you’re the one, I’m sorry to break it to you--- You’re not the one. Don’t be afraid to acknowledge that the relationship has run its course and move on.

4.Vocalize your Wishes.

You’d be surprised how many men haven’t proposed to their girlfriends simply because they didn’t know it was that important to them. As the saying goes, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Sometimes all it takes is a meaningful conversation. Just imagine, if you told your boyfriend that you were unwilling to stay in the relationship without getting married. He has two options: 1. Propose; 2. Ignore you. You can either be Jim Jones and Chrissy or Emily B. and Fab- it’s totally up to you. The bottom line is that if a man loves you he will do whatever it takes to be with you. Period.

5.Manage Expectations.

Another reason men are reluctant to propose is, ironically, the ring. Engagement rings are getting bigger and bigger and pricier and pricier. Often, managing expectations by telling your boyfriend that you are not looking for Kim K.’s 15-carat ring, relieves some of their pressure and allows them to start actively looking for an engagement ring. And for those who are expecting 15 carats, maybe you have to ask yourself whether you want to be married or whether you just want to have a wedding.

6. Lastly, Know Your Worth.

As cliché and corny as it may sound, knowing your worth is the most essential piece in getting a ring and having a successful marriage. When you know how valuable you are as an individual, there are certain things you become unwilling to accept. Many people often stay in dead-end relationships because they fear the alternatives: being alone, not finding someone as good, or having to start over. But when you know how special and valuable you are, you can find comfort in the fact that there are other people who would be honored to love, respect, and give you their last name.

I’m sure this isn’t the answer to every situation, but I think these tips will help anyone on the road to marriage.

“There are too many mediocre things in life; Love shouldn’t be one of them.”