Steve Harvey and the Absence of Male Accountability

In the video above Steve Harvey is doling out his usual relationship advice. In the clip he says,

"All men can change. And all men will change. But there is only one woman that we will change for."

And per usual, women have watched and shared this video millions of times.

The glaring problem with this line of thinking is the lack of any accountability on behalf of the man. This shouldn't be surprising considering Steve's previous "Think Like A Man" speeches, but I digress. Steve is basically saying that if your man cheats on you, disrespects you, beats you, lies to you, abandons you, etc., it's simply because you're not the one. And he is telling you that these men are all good men, they're just not going to be good for you.

Women have shared this millions of times.

The popularity of this video highlights the values of our society where men often take no accountability for their failures in dealings with women. *Insert the "all men cheat" rhetoric* As long as we continue to excuse men's bad behavior as an inherent part of manhood, we will continue to live in a society where men take no accountability.

It should be noted that this is not a new concept, women blaming is still particularly prevalent in the context of rape. Women's clothing, blood alcohol, and prior sexual conduct may be excluded in the legal context, but still remains relevant in the court of public opinion. *Insert all Bill Cosby supporters*

This is the same type of rhetoric that identifies males as "great dads" because they see their kids twice a month and pay child support; yet identifies women as "bad moms" because they've moved on and married someone else. *Insert all Ciara and Russell Wilson slander*

Now, I understand that we all admittedly go above and beyond in relationships where we think we've found "the one." But, a man's determination that his current woman is not "the one" falls short of any justification to grant some sort of male-only pass to disrespect and disparage the woman he's with. If she's not "the one"...move on. And if he stays and treats her like shit, acknowledge that it's because he took advantage of her -- not because of anything she did.

Folks, please stop taking relationship advice from Steve Harvey. Seriously.

And remember:

Women's lives are not auditions to be your wives.

Write it down. Save it. Memorize it. Apply it.